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I was already fifteen quid down from having sned myself up to “Date in a Dash” in the first place. “Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound,” I shed, scuttling off into the bathroom to squidge dye on my roots, “you can’t make an omelette without cracking eggs.” To be fair, the town’s founding fathers should’ve given the place a less synthetic name.

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in Surrrrr-bi-ton,” I sneered into many an ear prior to the event, laying out insult and injury in turn. It was even further south than Clapham, and mht not even be in London. ” I moaned, already totting up how much it was going to cost on my pay-per-go.

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As the ancient Aztec capital of Tenochtitlan is represented by a prickly pear on which a snake-wrestling eagle perches majestic, so Surbiton’s glyph, going by title alone, should be a bowl of towny soup going cold, with Waterloo choo-choos and Pooterish commuters drowning in the gloop.

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But it just goes to show: don’t judge an area formerly within the County of Surrey by its moniker.

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